Scars are a thing that most people worry about when they have a big wound or a "booboo". I was worried a lot about scarring from eczema. In my mind, the scars would show people that something is wrong or was wrong with me and I didn't want to appear that I was different. Before my eczema spread to my whole body, it was just in the creases of my arms and the back of my legs. I was super self conscious about my arms especially because it was more noticeable. Since I was using topical steroids at the time, the creases of my arms wouldn't tan and it really upset me. Thinking back on it now, who cares of if the creases of my arms didn't tan but I obviously did. When my eczema spread to my whole body, I was really scared that I would just have scars everywhere. I have been so blessed to have limited scarring, a medium sized spot on my left calf, the creases of my arms, and some random spots on my arms and legs. Now I know that scars aren't a bad thing and aren't something to be ashamed about because whether or not you can see it, everyone is going through something in their life, it just may not be external. Mine does happen to be external but some of my struggle or "scars" is also internal. By internal, I mean physically and mentally.
Physically my body was just tired. It was always working so hard to fight my flare ups that I would sleep for almost all the day, getting up occasionally to take a bath or put on lotion. Since I would sleep so much, I didn't really eat. I lost roughly 35 plus pounds in like 3 months from not eating. I would have to force myself to eat because it hurt my face to eat. After not eating regularly for so long, I still struggle with eating 3 meals a day because my body isn't used to me eating a lot of food.
Mentally, I was just cruising through days just to get through them. I didn't like looking in the mirror because I was embarrassed of myself. It wasn't until I knew I couldn't do anything myself and surrendered everything to God that I started looking at myself as a Child of God and not a disappointment and burden.
I am so grateful to be able to say that I am doing so much better mentally and physically. My external and internal scars don't feel as bad now. I don't want to end on a sad note but I just had to bring up a certain song. It was a song played at my great grandpa's funeral. It is called Scars In Heaven by Casting Crowns. It is a pretty sad song so here is my warning, you might cry. One of the verses that is said in the song just hits home so much. It says ," The only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now." In Heaven , my inner and outer scars won't matter and the only ones that will are the ones on Jesus' body. He paid the ultimate price. "The only scars in Heaven won't belong to me and you."
JATS